Live & Learn

O kay I have a question that has been lingering in my head for the past couple days. What do you really say to someone that you have feelings for, when they tell you that. They met someone they might be falling for, and could possibly marry in the future. Oh!! Congrats, you deserve it, I'm happy for you. Are you kidding yourself. If you ever really loved that person, I mean truly loved that person. If you say any of those things to them, then your lire to yourself and that person. I have had like the most horrible week. Trying to figure, Who the hell gives me the right to be mad? I mean I must really be losing my dame mind here. We have not been together in like 3 to 4 years. But it's not fair. He was supposed to be my future.



I just find it so hard to be happy. I can't lie too myself. When I spoke with him, I did tell him all those lies about me being happy for him. HELL NO I'm not happy. I still have so many un-resolved feelings for this man. Too tell you the truth, if I didn't think I would look like a complete psycho-path. I would march my ass right up there, and clear all these feelings up. But he does care for this girl, so I have no right to do that. The sad shame of all of it is that I actually thought about doing it. Just the thought of him getting married sends me crazy. I wanna just see him one time. I wanna know how he would react to seeing me again. O kay I know I sound like a freaking looney.

It's just so hard to actually feel like I have to let him and all of these feelings go now. I have so many different emotions right now. I feel sad most of all. I guess if you ever really fall in love with someone. those feelings don't just diminish when you break up. They stay there lingering around, waiting for a moment like this. To send you stark mad crazy with jealousy. I would love nothing more than to see him right now. Just to spend a little quality time together. It's hard to let go of someone who meant so much to you.

Well I guess I sound crazy enough now. So I'll be back again soon.