Glad it's over !!!!!

Boy am I glad Christmas is over, I love the holiday. But it surely takes a lot outta a person, financially and physically. Well the kids got everything they wanted and stuff they didn't. So you know every room is packed with toys. I had a very nice time with my family. There were no fights, everyone got along, and best of all there was good food :) To top it off. All of my family got together and brought me a limited edition GUCCI purse. I was happy, even though I wish they wouldn't have. It was way too expensive. I miss them when I leave them. They are the way they are, but they love me. I Love them every bit as much as they love me.

I didn't see Nancy and the girls there. I guess they must have spent Christmas at the shelter. We didn't know how to get in contact with them. So one of us could ride out there to pick them up. So I guess they stood there. It's times like this that I feel so bad for them. Having to live in a shelter has got to be so hard. All I can do is pray for them. There has to be a reason God has written this chapter in their lives. There has to be a lesson for them too learn. I just hope that they learn it.

I also had a very pleasant time with T-Ray and his family. They brought me a beautiful bath set from bath and body works. T-Ray got me an engagement ring. So you can imagine I have a lot on my mind right now. He asked me in front of his whole family. I was so nervous & a little embarrassed. But the best thing about spending time with them was the food :) Well we all had a good Christmas and I hope all my very dear friends had one as well.

Getting Ready........

I hate going away from my home for a couple days. Perhaps it's because I hate any thing that has to do with packing. Well I will be going to Kissimmee to spend time with my family. Also with T-Ray and his family. This will be an adventure that I can wait for. When ever my family gets together there is always a fight. Then the old neighborhood is really not one of my most favorite places to go too. But the Twins and Trinity's dad is out now, so he would probably like too see them. Or maybe not, he didn't even call them when he got back to Kissimmee. " What a loving father " He is probably the reason why I find it so hard to trust any man. I guess it will be nice to be around my family for the Holidays.

I guess I can also use this as a time to spend some major time with T-Ray and his family. Try to see if I can get a little bit closer to him. I need to try and settle down. Sooner better than later. I'm ready to be a wife and not just a girlfriend. T-Ray did say he wanted to marry me. Maybe it's about time I stop "beating around the bush". My problem is I hate the thought of putting my guard down and then getting hurt again. Maybe T-Ray is young, but what does age have to do with it. He loves my kids & and they love him. He accepts me for who I am. Above all that, I know in my heart he loves me. I think I should give him a chance, maybe. We'll see how this weekend goes :)

It's cold out here where I live today. I know I should not complain, I could be living in 6degree weather. I don't think I could take that bone chilling cold anymore. Although sometimes I really miss it. It's been a long time since I been back home ( New York ). I really miss it when I see things on T.V. that remind me of it. I would like to go skating at Rockerfeller Center. I think I spelled it right. If not, OOOPS..... I sometimes wonder what it would be like to live there again.

Live & Learn

O kay I have a question that has been lingering in my head for the past couple days. What do you really say to someone that you have feelings for, when they tell you that. They met someone they might be falling for, and could possibly marry in the future. Oh!! Congrats, you deserve it, I'm happy for you. Are you kidding yourself. If you ever really loved that person, I mean truly loved that person. If you say any of those things to them, then your lire to yourself and that person. I have had like the most horrible week. Trying to figure, Who the hell gives me the right to be mad? I mean I must really be losing my dame mind here. We have not been together in like 3 to 4 years. But it's not fair. He was supposed to be my future.



I just find it so hard to be happy. I can't lie too myself. When I spoke with him, I did tell him all those lies about me being happy for him. HELL NO I'm not happy. I still have so many un-resolved feelings for this man. Too tell you the truth, if I didn't think I would look like a complete psycho-path. I would march my ass right up there, and clear all these feelings up. But he does care for this girl, so I have no right to do that. The sad shame of all of it is that I actually thought about doing it. Just the thought of him getting married sends me crazy. I wanna just see him one time. I wanna know how he would react to seeing me again. O kay I know I sound like a freaking looney.

It's just so hard to actually feel like I have to let him and all of these feelings go now. I have so many different emotions right now. I feel sad most of all. I guess if you ever really fall in love with someone. those feelings don't just diminish when you break up. They stay there lingering around, waiting for a moment like this. To send you stark mad crazy with jealousy. I would love nothing more than to see him right now. Just to spend a little quality time together. It's hard to let go of someone who meant so much to you.

Well I guess I sound crazy enough now. So I'll be back again soon.